boesed:

laughinghieroglyphic:

Whoa. The MLA has officially devised a standard format to cite tweets in an academic paper. Sign of the times.

ebooks, Horse. (horse_ebooks). “Leg Butt” 18 Nov 2011, 12:38 PM. Tweet.

this-slag:

thesassycat:

what if all the scenerios we make up in our head are actually real events happening in an alternative universe and we’re actually connecting with our alternate self’s mind

my alternate self is getting some serious dick 

tedikuma:

Another comic I started last night. This one is basically about what it was like being African American in high school, minus the supernatural transformation at the end.

captaiinmarvel:

when girls press their whole body against you when they hug, it means they like you a lot. also, they’re measuring your body to determine how long it will take them to eat your flesh, a technique shared by boa constrictors

A racist woman is not a feminist; she doesn’t care about helping women, just the women who look like her and can buy the same things she can.

A transphobic woman is not a feminist; she is overly concerned with policing the bodies and expressions of others.

A woman against reproductive rights — to use bell hook’s own example, and an issue close to your heart — is not a feminist; she prioritizes her dogma or her disgust over the bodies of others.

An ableist woman is not a feminist; she holds some Platonic ideal of what a physically or mentally “whole” person should be and tries to force the world to fit inside it.
How the Logic of "Friendzoning" Would Work If Applied in Other Instances:
*Man walks into a store and finds employee*
Man: Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!
Employee: Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?
Man: I never filled out an application.
Employee: Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.
Man: No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!
Employee: Well, but that doesn't-
Man: AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!
Employee: But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.
Man: OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!
Employee: Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?
Man: Well no, but what does that matter?
Employee: ...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.
Man: Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.
Employee: That...doesn't make any sense.
Man: NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
Employee:
Man:
Employee:
Man: Fuck you, slut.

aiwa-sensei:

thexth:

trashholmes:

john messing with sherlock when he’s in his mind palace like

image

john would definitely put the most random things in sherlock’s hands. like a single egg. and sherlock would come out of it and either break it immediately and stare at his messy hand for 5 seconds or look at it like “…why this. when this.”

Or make a tower of paper and plastic cups and other stuff on his head.

heysoo:

roselalalonde:


thenimbus:



R.I.P. Ato Essandoh



uh

https://twitter.com/AtoEssandoh


JESUS

CHRIST

THIS DUDE.

assassinregrets:

assassinregrets:

NO

ONE

SWEATS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

HAS MORE PETS THAN WILL GRAHAM

NO ONE OUTLINES MORE CHALK SILHOUETTES THAN WILL GRAHAM

"I USE ANTLERS IN ALL MY INVESTIGATING"

OH WHAT A GUY WILL GRAHAM

NO ONE DREAMS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

CHOKES BACK SCREAMS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

NO ONE’S COMING APART AT THE SEAMS LIKE WILL GRAHAM

"I’M ESPECIALLY GOOD AT HALLUCINATING"

OH WHAT A GUY WILL GRAHAM

bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.